Analysis of Student Writing and Lesson Plan - Project 1

Analysis

This analysis is based on one meeting with D., in which he shared with me a short story draft, his own personal stories primarily about his pets back in the Ukraine where he has spent a large part of his childhood so far, and also the spelling inventory.

Meaning of the Piece

In the short story D. wrote about his pet cat that suddenly begins to talk, demanding coffee one morning.  The main character seems taken aback by his cat’s actions, including singing, crying, and insults, even calling the main character “dumbo”.  Almost as suddenly as he begins to speak, the cat dies ending in the relief the cat is gone.   Through the main characters’ actions and dialogue the reader gets a clear impression that the boy is quite logical while the cat is not and the interaction between the two is amusing throughout the story. 

Six Traits Assessment

Ideas:  D.’s topic is manageable because it takes place within a relatively small amount of time, from the sudden realization the cat can speak to within a couple days, the cat dies which also gives closure but leaves questions.   Support is attempted to flesh out the story line, which does go beyond the obvious and predictable, such as the cat ordering macaroni and cheese before it dies.  Ideas are reasonably clear although they could show a stronger sense of purpose, such as why does the cat start to talk and what does the main character think and feel about it? The writer’s insight is experienced when the reader’s attention is immediately caught with a somewhat familiar idea (talking cat) but with intriguingly quirky dialogue and events.

Organization:  The introduction of this story captures attention, “When I was sleeping somebody said, “Give me some coffee,” though a few more details to supplement this introduction as well as the story’s conclusion of the cat’s sudden death, would support the story better.  Transitions could be improved, such as “An hour later I came to school but before that I said to my cat to stay in the house”, where the student could restructure this transition and sequence to be easier to follow.  Pacing is fairly well controlled in that the reader can keep-up, but it is still somewhat abrupt, with the sudden death at the end, for instance.  There are effective paragraph breaks, such as an indent and then transition, “An hour later”.

Voice:  The writer does connect strongly with the audience through the intriguing use of engaging language, “After that my cat said, ‘Didn’t you hear me, I said give me some coffee,” and screamed at me.  I said, ‘ok, ok, fine!”  The writer seems aware of a purpose to write this piece but could be more clear with a more detailed and directed story.  The writer does take risk with the inclusion of personal details that reveal himself, such as, “I told the doctor to give me one hundred thousand million thousand five hundred seventy three dollars,’ and Dr. said, ‘Poopy pants, give me that money,’ and I left.”  This narrative writing is personal and engaging.

Word Choice: Improved word choice could help portray accurate meanings and a smoother flow throughout the story.  Familiar words and phrases communicate but don’t capture the reader’s imagination, such as “I can still remember that day like it was yesterday.”  Language and phrasing are somewhat natural and effective in that the reader is able to follow the story, such as, “my cat was saying, ‘sorry crazy boy.’  I said, ‘Stop it.’ ‘ok’, and my cat went to the treehouse.”  This sentence also shows that there is a limited vocabulary and misused parts of speech that do affect understanding,

Sentence Fluency:  Sentences are awkward in a way that naturally reflects awkward speech, “I cam to my cat and said what wrong?  My cat say’s that’s all your felt stuped!!!”  Sentences vary in length and with different beginnings such as, “Then after school”; “My cat says”; and “I came to”.  Sometimes the reader needed to look for connecting words and phrases to show how sentences interrelate.

Conventions (spelling below): Punctuation is often missing or incorrect, “I came to my cat and said what wrong?”  Most words are capitalized correctly, especially at the beginning of sentences.  Errors in grammar are somewhat noticeable but meaning is still clear.

Ownership

While I will need to ask D. more about his writing ownership, during our meeting he shared with me all about his pet cat and dog he misses a lot because they are both staying with his grandparents back in the Ukraine.  While D. was at first shy to talk with me, he opened-up a lot with enthusiasm during this discussion and was somewhat slowed down with his own struggle to translate his thoughts into English. This leads me to believe that between the stories of his pets he loved telling me and the lively story about a cat he wrote, D. enjoys pet stories.

Spelling Development

In D.’s written piece and the spelling inventory, D. has very strong phonemic awareness; he is able to write words how they sound.  His spelling needs some improvement such as “dishis” for dishes, and “averything” for everything.  Between speaking with D. and reading his writing, it looks like he is writing with the accent he speaks English in.

Lesson Plan

Objectives

• ·      Students will extend and refine their ability to write.
• ·      Students will communicate with English-speaking readers.
• ·      Students will write for a variety of purposes, here, to share a creatively rewritten story with a familiar theme.

Standards

GLEs for fourth grade writing standards:

1.   Student understands and uses a writing process.

1.6 Adjusts writing process as necessary.

2.   The student writes in a variety of forms for different audiences and purposes.

            2.1 Adapts writing for a variety of audiences.

Materials

Photocopied booklets of a simple, illustrated version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears – enough for every student and teacher to provide the model to follow for story structure, as well as proper word structures and patterns.

Identical booklets in size and page number, as well as space for text, but with no text or illustrations – enough for every student and teacher, plus a few extra.  These provide the physical structure of the booklet to ease following the story structure of the model. 

Sharpened pencils to begin immediately, with confidence that any modifications can be made at any time.

Colored pencils or crayons for those students who wish to add color to their finished illustrations, allowing students to express their writing and stories with personally (and enjoyably) illustrated contextual clues for their readers.

Instructional Strategies

This is a lesson that could be for a small group or the whole class.  First, the teacher will explain that students are going to rewrite and illustrate the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears for sharing with kindergarten buddies; that this will not only help improve our own writing skills but will also inspire and excite our younger buddies in reading and writing.  This will give an authentic purpose and audience for the fourth graders’ work.  To provide the structure of the writing, the teacher will supply each student with their own small paper booklet of the illustrated story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

To demonstrate the project, the teacher will read the story aloud and then explain her thinking aloud as she models rewriting her own version with illustrations, most likely for only the first couple pages.  The written story provides the story structure and even sentence structure while the writer is encouraged to unleash their creativity to change the characters and descriptors.  During this time students are listening and observing.

Next, a shared demonstration will have the class collaborating in shared writing with the teacher to rewrite a class version of the story, again, probably only the first few pages.

Students are then each given their own blank booklets and go through a guided practice in which they write and illustrate the first couple of pages of the story while the teacher actively circulates and assists.  The teacher will encourage students to talk together and help one another, while simultaneously noting work that would benefit the whole class to see, such as particularly creative writing as well as writing that is clear and has correct spelling and grammar.

Closure will happen as students get through their first couple of pages. After an appropriate amount of time students will share their story beginnings with one another in partners or small groups.  The examples the teacher noticed earlier will be shared in front of the entire class with the writers’ permission.  Students will have the opportunity to ask any questions as a group and the teacher will ensure all students are clear that their finished version of the story will be due with the entire story completed with illustrations, along with clear writing, as correctly written as they can, ready to share with their kindergarten buddies.  There may be additional class time or the opportunity to work on the project at home as well.  Teacher will continue to assist as needed, respond to questions, and acknowledge efforts.

The final event of this lesson will be reading aloud the finished stories to kindergarten buddies.

Assessment

Teacher will assess students’ progressing abilities to communicate with English-speaking readers.  Teacher will assess word formation such as appropriate suffixes on singular and plural nouns, as well as different verb tenses. 

Teacher will assess spelling with particular attention to long-vowel patterns, which this story was chosen specifically for (“three”, “too cold”, “just right”, etc).